"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope." Romans 3-4.
In life we all have a different fire to walk through, most of the time you'll walk through many. They'll all burn differently, some will be quick and others will take years. This where some will be lost in the fire and some will be made. I guess I'll treat this blog as a confession, it's not something I've told to many people if any. As you know I was told when I was sixteen that I could not carry a child and probably wouldn't be able to have one period. They did an ultrasound and showed that the only reproductive organ that I had was a left ovary. The doctor was very surprised but stuck to her diagnoses. I was sent on to Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville where they confirmed her findings. Years went by and as you've read in a previous blog I went through IVF. I've always been a little bit of a medical mystery because every time I go in for a test its never the same. They either see something they haven't seen or can't find something they've looked at a hundred times. Through it all I have always prayed for a baby, but I've learned how to pray and how you should respect God. When I prayed in the past I didn't do it right, I didn't have the faith to back up my prayer. That doesn't work. I listened more to the doctors, no offense to them, but they don't have my answer. They aren't our final stop in the road. To be honest I've learned to tune them out when they start telling me what will or won't happen. I'm not in their hands I'm in God's.
I've always heard people say pray boldly. Even the bible says your faith can move a mountain. Well this is my mountain and my faith is going to move it. I am a reproductive dead end on paper. If you didn't know me you would say her only option is IVF or adoption, but its not. I'm praying for a pregnancy. When I say pray I mean get on your knees and beg from your soul praying. I have to admit when I first started I was embarrassed. I thought if anyone heard me say this out loud they would think I was crazy or worse they would look at me with pity. I don't want the pity, but I don't care if you think I'm crazy anymore. This is my truth and I'm going to own it because I have faith. It's not a woman's duty to have a child, it's her blessing from God. Whether you're trying to get pregnant the natural way, through IVF, or adoption that child will come from God's will. So what's the difference? In my eye's there isn't one so I'm praying boldly. I'm asking for the impossible to be possible for us. This may not be in God's plan, but I'll continue to pray my heart out for this blessing and I'll do it boldly and faithfully. Infertility is my fire and I'm going to hold my head up high as I walk through it.
